We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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