End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
