The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
