true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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