Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
