The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
