it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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