Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
