I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
