i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
