he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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