You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there was a trapeze. enough said
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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