dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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