you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
