im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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