Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
