I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
