dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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