Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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