If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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