Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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