Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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