Whod you bang
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
