We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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