if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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