I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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