Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
