the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think your dad took our porno
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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