Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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