remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
