I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
