Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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