I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
