I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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