I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Boobs speak an international language.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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