in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
