You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
