Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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