Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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