Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
