after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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