i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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