my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
