You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
