I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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