I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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