I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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