just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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