I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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