If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
