yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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