how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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