Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
