Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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