You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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