Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
