Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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