Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize