I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
