Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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