How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We just shotgunned beers for America
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.