Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure