you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?