Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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