I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.