Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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