I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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