I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
