I want to make a zoo with you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
