Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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