I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
