I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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