So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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