I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
