im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
