I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
